1) Happier than Dracula
on Plasma
2) When you're up to your neck in alligators, it's hard to remember you came to drain the pond.
3) Just because you got the monkey off your back doesn't man the circus left town.
4) Did you just poop me?
5) House guests are like fish, they start to smell after three days.
6) I'm having a nice day, don't screw it up.
7) I used to be a hero until I took an arrow to the knee.
8) I don't wanna be a bunny puppy
9) Magic Bananas and Candy Canes for the world!
10) Don't ask the question if you don't want the answer
11) Coolest thing since sliced bread and buttered toast
12) Good gravy beans
13) Blast a monkey's tail
14) When life gives you lemons, don't make lemonade, make life take the lemons back.
15) It's obviously rocket science if you have to do science at all. All science is rocket.
16) No toys in a kids meal is like the Grinch coming on Christmas day and stealing your presents after you have opened them.
17) Cows have ten stomachs, because there has to be five on each side of it, right?
18) Monstrous happy
19) Son: Mom, my back hurts. Mom: Shoot yourself in the foot and then stick it in an ant bed, you'll feel better
20) Take five minutes of your life and do something stupid or forever hold your peace
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